Im a caretaker. I give and don't receive. Its always been easier that way. Im always been independent. Until now, I think...is it so bad to want an "you look beautiful tonight" or "your a good dancer" or even "can I get your number?" Why? Change is settling into my life and it wants be to be taught a lesson. Mother fer couldn't have you waited till college, make life easier, but no you must come now. I sorry change but I was happy being by myself not caring about boys or wanting the one want me but now I think about it a lot more. More than expected. And the worse what is I can't lie anymore and say im fine and being alone doesn't bother me. It starting too. What the hell? Pretend has always been my wall and it's worked. I felt safe and I even believed pretend, but today I don't know the difference between pretend and real? I guess its time to explore.
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