Fwb

Wow who would of know a flush down the toilet would be so loud at 1:21 am. I wide awake! And why you might ask? Well folks let me tell you I just watched friends with benefits and if you know my hidden story you would get it. Oh fuck. What have I got myself into? I guess I just wanted a best friend...a best guy friend who I just could hang out with for no reason and laugh and be stupid and funny together. You know I don't think I was ready for a "relationship" because I don't have an emotional surface. I'm a hidder. I like to avoid. It kinda my thing....well was. I working on this new thing where I work on what saying what I feel. Vocalizing what I feel and need. Lately its been getting better. I was talking to my mom today and we were talking about how I was feeling about sleepovers. Which she's not the biggest fan and it doesn't bother we when I with my friends but with her it does. I never told her that till today. I said what I felt without hesitation! It felt nice (: I think that God was telling me to push harder because the code tested me.  Side note: it might have been because I was stalking his horoscopes, he's "types" and "personality". Let's just say the vigro fit it. Anyways it been a while. And well im not naive I know that when it texts me it for something. I don't think anyone realizes that....or maybe its me. But im not dumb. It wants something. Its nice about it. Never comes out with it. Always ask how im doing, life, casual talk.  I think it cares. Well ..... that's n the air now. Hhhmmm were to go from here. Do I think it or him or whatever it is. Because as im trying to figure out what I want or need or feel I get more lost. I wanna best friend but am I already emotionally attached. Fffff. But at the same time....I think not sure what im attached to because somedays I think it him or the idea or just the messesing around or the need to filled with attention or just a friend. Wow that's a lot of circles. *Round and round, were going round and round and your not going to bring me no bring me back. Boy I need you here with me I can't go on this way I falling back to you and I can sayyyyyyyy were going round and round!* (Selena gomez moment ;) I wish I could sign. And be pretty like her. Well im okay. I need some work on but you know I have my days. Hahaha. Im hungry. I had the best di net at red lobseter! But know my tummy is growling. Hahaha. Oh life it moves so fast. I wanna stop and go back and remiss the past, maybe change some things. and yet live the present but move to the future and view all the potential ahead if me. Its crazy. Wow 2012. Big year. Sound like a it of traveling...El Salvador Mexico and Disneyland! And graduation and college and moving out and money and friends. The true friends from the friends. Sigh. Do I make it a friend and friend with extra fun or a cold friend or nothing at alllll. Ahhhhhh! well that was a good soul let out for the day. Goodnight. (: